Yesterday I put Kate in a dress because my mom was having a "come over and spend lots of money so that I can get lots of free stuff" party at my house. Zachariah asked why Kate was wearing a dress... he is getting really good at patterns the day before I was wearing earring uncharacteristically on a friday and he asked why I was wearing my "church earrings"... I told him it was because Kate was "going to be the princess of the jewelry party", to which he replied "AHHHG... I am NOT going to be king!!"

He didn't have to be king. He had a morning with just daddy doing things little boys and daddies do... mcdonald's pancakes and building bird houses. The world can count it's blessings that he wasn't born into royalty.

How nice to be at the point of absolute trust in God's Sovereignty.

I have a friend who...isn't in a relationship with the Lord.. is that the best way to put it...? She was telling me about her life and things that need to come together for her. I keep catching myself from telling her that at least she can trust in the Lord...because she can't. It is such a blessing to have concrete promises from a loving God when we're following Christ. The world doesn't have those. I really don't know how they make it through day to day. Hoping that by chance things work out.

I'll pray for a chance to let her know of the hope I have (again) when I see her.

I'm still listening for whispers in between yells

I think I was created for ministry. For missions work.
Some say "every Christian is a missionary". No. They're not.
You talking to your neighbor about Christ is your duty
as a Christian. It's sharing your faith. It's not "missions work".
Atleast not according to...me.
I do okay with a "real life" and then I start getting itchy.
I start searching the internet for opportunities. My mind starts
racing. I request information. I dream. I fret. I wonder.

Such is the case again today. Found some opportunities which may
or may not be way over my head at a place I "worked" for before.
Or atleast a potential one for Ben so that my kids can be raised.
But it requires...gulp...Raising complete support.
That is the scary part. I know God is the one who provides. But
it's still scary scary.

I just feel like I have more ahead. Does that mean I have to have everything
TODAY.. no.. but it's exciting. If Joseph would have gotten what he would have
wanted the Cupbearer would have remembered him right away and Pharaoh would have
let him free to go home. And that would have been that. He would have gone home to a dysfunctional family and died in the famine. Instead the Cupbearer "forgot" and Joseph stayed in jail for two years... perhaps thinking he would be there forever.. and instead is taken out and made the number two of all Egypt. I am more than ready to wait for God's plan instead of mine. And be mastering what he has already given me. But I start to itch. I start to dream. I start to wonder.

The Great Lake Swimmers new album dropped yesterday. I downloaded it for $3.75!
That's about the best thing EVER! And by "ever" I mean.. the best thing in the last 48 hours.. not counting Christ and my family and my cat...

There's a song on there that matches my mood today... see above. I don't know if all of the lyrics are right.. but close enough.

STILL

I’m still tuning myself to the great key
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still mining for life in the dark wells
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still a frequency swaying
Thief in the wind
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still searching for whispers in between yells
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still swimming in harmony
I’m still dreaming of flight
I’m still lost in the waves night after night
I’m still an arrow unshot fixed in a hold
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still a fire unlit ready to go
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still loaded and waiting
With anticipation to fly
I’m still studying the patterns in the night sky
I’m still a note that’s unlaid
Ink on a page
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still a cry in the night
intimate high
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still tuned to an instrument with greater
unknown design
I’m still looking for direction some kind of sign
I’m still tuning myself to the great key
I’m still
I’m still

the joy of three.

Zachariah tends to be shy around strangers. He barely looked the dentist in the eye last week.. let alone make any sort of vocal response to his usual "trying to get a kid to talk to me so I'm going to talk about kids things" banter. Yesterday we were in the library. "I want some books" he told me as he stomped towards the adult section. We made our way around the library and I took a brief stop at the video section. "I want some books" he reminded me again and stomped off somewhere. He disappeared for a moment while I was pacifying the little one and I find him at the desk of the children's librarian. He was already in mid-conversation. "I need some books.... Some BIG BOY books!!" If mom wasn't going to get the job done then he was going to find someone who could!

We our having our first, for the most part, successful week of potty training. Only a few "number one" accidents... not ONE "number two". Less than an hour later from getting home from the library he was playing outside and I was making lunch. I go to check on him and he lets me know that he "pooped in the yard." I make him show me where... yup... there it was.. just like a dog. He had pulled his pants down in the middle of the yard and took a poop. Atleast I didn't have any nasty pants to clean up. We did have a little talk though on how that's what dogs do.. not little boys.

Trials turning to perseverance turning to maturity. priceless.

I just found out that James Macdonald has cancer. How heartbreaking. What a chance for him to show the world that what he preaches is real. I went to his site and found his blog that I had never seen before. He had one entry that matched up with one of my previous entries on worship... he must be an avid "villa villekulla" reader. I would love to send his message to the worship leader at my church. (Can I add that last Sunday she read out of the message... I almost fell on the floor and started convulsing.) Should I talk to the pastor about my feelings on the worship at our church? Is that my place?



How many times have I just stood there staring at the screen while the whole congregation was supposed to sing things that every one of them could not possibly mean...promises and declarations that realistically maybe happen once or twice in your whole life. Sometimes I'd sing along to not be a distraction. But how refreshing to not have to wade through these songs!

Found another great one on worship.



There's also a great video entry on him in the Price Is Right audience.

i am unlimited

with more fingers on one hand than hours of sleep last night... i tried to take a nap with the kids. but after three minutes i snuck down the creaky stairs and planted myself in front of the computer to be mindless and unproductive for an hour two hours.

I am listening to Great Lake Swimmers "everything is moving so fast" on repeat. A treat to listen to it for the first time today. Maybe there will be money next month when it comes out.

Current life is a bumpy road. The Holy Spirit and a few good friends are filling me with wisdom.

I receive a wash of peace knowing that He knows me.. understands me.. intercedes for me.. comforts me.. transforms my mind.. draws me.. if I didn't have anything else I would have everything. I feel like I am in the middle of a time of molding. I wait on Him.

I wake up at an ungodly hour three times a week to work out. Today in "bootcamp" class we rode the bikes for awhile. After two minutes thirty seconds I knew I would never try the "cycling" class. Some around me were going "being chased by freddie kruger" pace. I preferred the "Sunday ride around the park" pace... "I bet they'll just think I have the tension way up" was what I rationalized to my pride. Then I realized that you're supposed to stand while you pedal. oooohhhh. Okay we'll try that. It was fun for two minutes thirty seconds. Up until my legs almost gave way I felt like I was back in fifth grade riding to a friends house "we're going to have so much fun!" I made the mistake of vocalizing this thought to my cycling peers who have now all secretly named me "the chubby weird girl in my bootcamp class." I need to keep my sleep deprived, humorous to only me, thoughts to myself for self preservation sake.