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I have been learning a lot lately about being a leader and that in turn has taught me a lot about being a follower.

Most recently today, I had to cancel a retreat today that I had been planning for over four months. It's really disappointing to me. I tried to make it awesome and a blessing for other moms. But the only people who signed up were my closest friends. I even brought the price down by almost 25% and it didn't matter.

I can feel this spiritual battle taking place. The enemy trying to grow a bitter root towards these women who last year said they would like to do it. The enemy wants me to close down and say "FINE.. I'm not going to plan anything.. ever again." The enemy wants me to take it personally.

But the Holy Spirit tells me that our Lord is Sovereign. That I can't see the whole picture. That he is refining me and building me up and if I throw away all he has worked hard doing in me now then I will be missing out on ways He wants to use me in the future.. ways that will work out better because I have learned these lessons. To not let a bitter root grow but instead follow the Lord and accept that he is control.

I now have to pray that my cancellation will be a blessing to another group who would like to rent that space and that I am able to get my deposit back and not owe hundreds more.