I have been learning a lot lately about being a leader and that in turn has taught me a lot about being a follower.

Most recently today, I had to cancel a retreat today that I had been planning for over four months. It's really disappointing to me. I tried to make it awesome and a blessing for other moms. But the only people who signed up were my closest friends. I even brought the price down by almost 25% and it didn't matter.

I can feel this spiritual battle taking place. The enemy trying to grow a bitter root towards these women who last year said they would like to do it. The enemy wants me to close down and say "FINE.. I'm not going to plan anything.. ever again." The enemy wants me to take it personally.

But the Holy Spirit tells me that our Lord is Sovereign. That I can't see the whole picture. That he is refining me and building me up and if I throw away all he has worked hard doing in me now then I will be missing out on ways He wants to use me in the future.. ways that will work out better because I have learned these lessons. To not let a bitter root grow but instead follow the Lord and accept that he is control.

I now have to pray that my cancellation will be a blessing to another group who would like to rent that space and that I am able to get my deposit back and not owe hundreds more.

a bulwark never failing.

At church yesterday I was reminded of a few lists I've read before : Top Ten Worst Worship Songs or Top Five Ways to Write a Bad Worship Song. They always include a category for "God is my boyfriend" songs... songs in which you could replace the word "God" with your boyfriends name and it would become a love song to your significant other.

When the lyrics flashed on the screen yesterday I seriously thought we were singing a parody of The Classics IV 1969 Hit "Everyday with you Girl (Is Sweeter Than the Day Before)".

After all it goes:

Everyday with you girl
is sweeter than the day before

As opposed to:

Everyday with you Lord
Is sweeter than the day before

As soon at the worship team belted out the melody I realized I was wrong, but it was just as hippy-yappy as it's predecessor.

And please humor me while I get a little... picky... Yes, as we grow in relationship with the Lord we become more like Him, we grow in his wisdom and peace. We become sold out to Him. He puts a new song in our heart and it is a joy to sing it. But Christ let us know that "In this world you will have trouble" that "If they hate me they will hate you". If you don't have any opposition in your life: either earthly or spiritually it may be a sign that you aren't where you should be with the Lord. I am NOT saying that there won't be times of blessing and peace and the Lord gives that to some people more than others. And if I weren't being picky enough..in said "worship" song the lyric is:

Every morning I will worship
Every evening I’ll adore
Cause everyday with you is sweeter, sweeter than the day before

Note "cause". So My worship and adoration is contingent upon the quality and "sweetness" of my day? What if I had a sour day?

And one last thing.. promise. Worship is supposed to be about God. Not about us. We are nothing when compared to God. When worshiping Him it is almost like puke to even mention ourselves in any capacity... because we are so completely nothing compared to him. Even to say we are nothing is mentioning us... leave us out! Praise is a little different... it's reveling in who he is and what he has done. There is a window there were I think mentioning ourselves is acceptable. But a lot of songs take it too far and all it is is "me me me.. my love... what I do for God."


All that to say... fru-fru worship songs are just so distracting to me. And then it gets to the point where it makes me question the person picking out these songs and if that's really where they are spiritually (picking out limp worship songs you can clap to) and yet they're allowed to be put in a place of leading a whole congregation in worship and then I start this whole judgment thing which may or may not be healthy.

But what happened to strong songs like

"Oh for a thousand tongues to sing my great redeemers praise"

or

"A Mighty Fortress is our God"

And I didn't mean to just pick old hymns.. I'm sure there are good "newer" songs out there. Once you get past the the flashy "how can I make this sound catchy enough to be a single for my next worship album" ones.

I digress.