I'm still listening for whispers in between yells

I think I was created for ministry. For missions work.
Some say "every Christian is a missionary". No. They're not.
You talking to your neighbor about Christ is your duty
as a Christian. It's sharing your faith. It's not "missions work".
Atleast not according to...me.
I do okay with a "real life" and then I start getting itchy.
I start searching the internet for opportunities. My mind starts
racing. I request information. I dream. I fret. I wonder.

Such is the case again today. Found some opportunities which may
or may not be way over my head at a place I "worked" for before.
Or atleast a potential one for Ben so that my kids can be raised.
But it requires...gulp...Raising complete support.
That is the scary part. I know God is the one who provides. But
it's still scary scary.

I just feel like I have more ahead. Does that mean I have to have everything
TODAY.. no.. but it's exciting. If Joseph would have gotten what he would have
wanted the Cupbearer would have remembered him right away and Pharaoh would have
let him free to go home. And that would have been that. He would have gone home to a dysfunctional family and died in the famine. Instead the Cupbearer "forgot" and Joseph stayed in jail for two years... perhaps thinking he would be there forever.. and instead is taken out and made the number two of all Egypt. I am more than ready to wait for God's plan instead of mine. And be mastering what he has already given me. But I start to itch. I start to dream. I start to wonder.

The Great Lake Swimmers new album dropped yesterday. I downloaded it for $3.75!
That's about the best thing EVER! And by "ever" I mean.. the best thing in the last 48 hours.. not counting Christ and my family and my cat...

There's a song on there that matches my mood today... see above. I don't know if all of the lyrics are right.. but close enough.

STILL

I’m still tuning myself to the great key
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still mining for life in the dark wells
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still a frequency swaying
Thief in the wind
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still searching for whispers in between yells
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still swimming in harmony
I’m still dreaming of flight
I’m still lost in the waves night after night
I’m still an arrow unshot fixed in a hold
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still a fire unlit ready to go
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still loaded and waiting
With anticipation to fly
I’m still studying the patterns in the night sky
I’m still a note that’s unlaid
Ink on a page
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still a cry in the night
intimate high
I’m still
I’m still
I’m still tuned to an instrument with greater
unknown design
I’m still looking for direction some kind of sign
I’m still tuning myself to the great key
I’m still
I’m still